NEWSLETTERS
Effective Listening: The Dingbat Dilemma
by
Roberta Prescott
Remember when TV's Archie Bunker
said, "The reason you don't understand me, Edith, is because
I'm talkin' to you in English and you're listenin' in dingbat!"
?
Too often we, like Edith, miss the mark in the way we listen.
Do you have any of these faulty listening habits?
- You’ve
misunderstood a request and lost points
- Your
boss asked you for information about a project. You
came back
with reams of data. She wanted talking points.
- You’re
perceived as a poor listener because you frequently interrupt
the speaker. Why?
- You
can’t wait to defend your position or get your point
across.
- You’ve
run out of patience, and you want to jump in with
a solution.
- You
formulated a reply before you heard the end of a thought.
- Your
response addressed the wrong issue. You
heard: “I’m excited about this new project idea …
You missed: “ … but our attorneys will never
go for it.”
If
good listening is crucial to career success, why aren’t we good
listeners?
-
We make assumptions about what they mean.
- We’re
thinking about our agenda instead of theirs.
- We’re
mentally rehearsing our answers.
- We
have emotional reactions that sidetrack us.
- They’re
long-winded. Our brain gets full, and we take mental excursions.
Here
is a checklist to help you solve the dilemma:
DEMONSTRATE YOU ARE LISTENING
- Stop
multi-tasking and pay attention.
- Give
non-verbal cues such as eye contact, leaning forward and head
nods.
- Give
verbal cues such as “mmhmm” and “I see.”
- Acknowledge
content.
- “Good
point.”
- “Thanks
for sharing that. It’s new information for me.”
EVALUATE WHAT THEY SAY
- Are you overreacting to trigger
words such as “this project has
failed?”
- Are
they being emotional? You may need to get in step.
- “It
sounds as though this is important to you.”
- “That
must have been upsetting for you.”
- Keep
your focus by taking a few notes.
- Ask
yourself:
- What
is the their main message? Their point of view?
- What
are they saying that you need to know?
- Why
are they saying this?
- What
do they want?
CHECK
YOUR UNDERSTANDING
- When
in doubt don’t make assumptions. Ask for specifics.When is “as soon as possible?” Tomorrow? Next week?
Next month?
- Ask
open-ended questions:
- “Can you
tell me more about that?”
- “How
will you proceed?”
- Ask
follow up questions for clarification.
- “What
are the options?”
- “Can
you give me an example?”
- Summarize
when appropriate.
- “Let
me be clear. You want these three things … “
- “This
is what I heard … “.
Using
these tips will help you be a more effective listener so that you
avoid the “Dingbat Dilemma” .
©
The Prescott Group
